Who is Honest?

While at the store, talking with a friend, we had a thought. Interesting, I thought. Honesty. What causes the difficulty of conversation? What causes a difficulty of communication?

Here’s an example: Situational. Let’s say a fellow suddenly realizes his relationship with a woman (They’ve been dating a few weeks.) isn’t honest. Both are wanting to be honest, so they shared, but he sees something, and so, while having lunch at an eatery, he says something.

He tells her there’s something not quite right between them. She looks up a bit surprised. What is it, she asks. We’ll simplify the explanation here:

He explains both of them are playing a game, so to speak. He was lonely, but he was lonely because he hasn’t been completely honest in his life. So, living a life of incomplete honesty, ego or pride entering, because the world isn’t honest in total, he had been living a life in a schism. So has she. Both are. Both are incomplete.

He was lonely, looking for someone to support his loneliness, support who he is (He is living a wrong life: not completely honest.). She too isn’t living completely honest, and is looking to feel needed and wanted.

There could be varying interests. Perhaps she hasn’t had a loving father, but one who ignored her at times, and while growing up, was secretly angry or unhappy, and this caused a schism in her, perhaps a pride to develop. Of course, she just might need to realize this, then she will no longer feel bad towards her dad/father, and she’ll be okay inside.

Perhaps for him, it’s similar. But whatever the reason, he’s trying to fill an emptiness inside him. She is also trying to fill and emptiness inside her. Also, because the way society advertises, both are living lives they see as “the way people are.”

We see this all the time. Why do you think people behave so predictably. Among young adults, and more so, we see behavior patterns. Why? Shouldn’t people be themselves? And if they’re themselves, they’ll behave as individuals, with cooperation of course, but not so predictable.

For myself, and some of my friends, we have been told we’re very different from others at times. I asked “Why?” The only thing that makes us different is we’re observant, pondering, and realize things from time to time. Then we share this. While others are not observant, or say things to get agreement, perhaps saying things that are readily and societally acceptable. Most people won’t go straight to what is real.

I think that’s why many people are put off by President Donald Trump. He’s saying what is. No excuses. No fabrication. Most of us have been taught to not be completely honest. Which I’ll prove a point right here.

Long ago, maybe a few years after high school, I told a lady friend (neighbor) that in looking for a wife, I was being honest. She laughed. She said you won’t find a wife that way. I was always struck by that. But as I thought back, and continued through life, I realized she was right. The people I know, who are married, are rarely honest with each other. Oh, they’re honest in many life concerns, but each is putting the other on to make the other like them. What’s that saying? Happy wife, happy life. What a crock. But we’ve been told that over and over. I have an uncle who is often straight to the point with his wife. The same for another friend. You know what? Each wife loves her husband. Why? Because they’re honest and strong. And they are there for the family. Honestly.

Well, back to the program. There’s another aspect. Each has an ego, has something wrong inside wanting to assert itself as right. As long as we think that “thing” is our true selves, we’ll continue to try to support that thing. It’s like asking, if I’m completely honest, I’ll lose my wife and friends, and I might lose my job. Yes, but if you’re not completely honest, you’ll never be completely at peace with yourself. You’ll always feel a loneliness, feel upset, and will constantly be looking for people and things to make you feel happy. But shortly after what makes you happy will be unhappiness, because what’s real is always present.

We don’t need to be anything, except honest.

There’s an old saying which is akin to pride causing us to be unhappy. For a time, we think we’re happy, but unhappiness, even depression, is soon to follow. We’re not supposed to judge people. See their wrongs, yes, but not judge. It’s like someone get’s in trouble for doing wrong, perhaps even punished, maybe severely because of what they did, but we don’t gloat over this. We don’t judge. We know they need to be punished, but we don’t hate them. Like if I do something wrong, I deserve the punishment. I know that.

So, going back to the story, how can the couple find real happiness? Be honest. Don’t try to get the other to like you: to see something about you that isn’t real. But it’s more. It’s actually going to sound strange, but those open will see.

Why would you want someone to see you different that what you really are? Are you hiding wrongs about you? Do you think the real you is boring, so you need to flash things up to get attention? I did that as a young person. I guess we all did. And why would you want to “fool” another person into liking you? And then, why would the other person be easily duped, believing you are something you’re not? You see, both are playing a game so to speak. Because if I try to “fool” someone to like me, to see me in a different light, but they’re totally honest, they won’t be fooled or duped because they’re not looking for a game themselves. They don’t need attention beyond honesty. More later.