Attitude and Belief

A friend of mine and I had a talk. He’s had some challenges in his life, some difficulty growing up, and so forth. He’s also succeeded and done well from time to time. But in recent times, I’ve noticed a quietness, and he’s been talking with some people about those difficulties.

After knowing him for some time, and listening, I decided to do something I usually avoid. I told him the negativity is going to kill him. We talked some, and I gather that all the moving while growing up, the many changes, but also some of the lost opportunities in life had gotten him where I needed to say something.

I told him of a lady. She is a Japanese woman who grew up in pre-World War II Japan (Okinawa). The family was very poor, all siblings getting only one shoe for each school year, which of course meant barefoot from time to time. How many readers have read about the Okinawan War or seen a recent movie about it. I discovered, after talking about the past, that she and her family hid in those caves. So I did some research. Very difficult times. Readers can do their own research if interested.

When the war was over, they returned to home and rebuilt their house, including all that entailed. This woman was determined to finish her high school education, though most women of that era married early. Then, because the military had established a base, she went on to working in an office, eventually marrying a service man after two years of dating. The rest, which is more than I know, is a nice story.

I shared this with my friend, along with another story, to get him thinking. Consider another man: Nate Shiransky, who spent nine years in the Gulag for helping Soviet dissidants migrate. Nine years away from his family, friends, and wife, until finally reunited. Never giving up. And he continued to help others.

We live in a world full of opportunities. But we also live in a world that does not encourage us to find the best in ourselves. Advertisements about our health, worries about this and that, about our mental health and how we need to talk and share. All these self-help books, articles, and agencies that are there to help us. Admittedly, there are some who do need help. Admittedly also, many need to get away from all of this and make their own roads, and that I beleive, is my friend. I told him so. I explained he doesn’t need help, as I believe, but also explained only he can make those decisions. Sometimes, actually often, what people don’t need is “help.”

You see, the connotation of “help” indicates you can’t work things out on your own. You’re needy. And in this day and age, we’re encouaraged to be needy. It’s the politically correct way to look at life. You know, lean on me when you’re not strong.

Of course, we sometimes need a helping hand. Of course, there are times. But we don’t need to encourage this neediness. We need to encourage doing all you can, asking for help when needed, then get back in the game.

When I was young, it was when we moved to another city for a short time (Yes, there were bullies in my day.), my mother said something that stuck with me. For some reason, she said “No one will help you.” Of course, she was always there. What she meant was the attitude. I know a person can talk with a therapist and ask friends when they need a ride or something. But it’s the attitude. To need help or get back on your feet. To need help or get back to independence. After all, if there are people who help others, we can all be that. Not the ones needing help. Also, we can encourage others.

I remember a lesson long ago: when I was teaching. The administration at the time was doing too much about care and concern. I had a class that was my responsibility. Attempting to make determination and success popular again, I talked to them about success stories, Shark Tank, and opportunities, sometimes bringing in success stories to share their stories. It took quite awhile, but by half way through the year, I finally got all the students on the same page. They were all working. They were happy. And they kept sharing their successes. **And then it happened. The counselor started taking some of my students to her room at lunch time. Within a few weeks, the infection spread. Students stopped trying because the counselor was talking about their feelings and that they didn’t have to work too hard. That was a great lesson in attitude, but also in keeping certain influences away.

I explained to my friend that what you listen to, what you believe, and what story you’re telling yourself all determine the direction you go. Forget how you feel. Forget the negatives. Believe that things will improve and you can do great things. Cool things. Responsible things.

That woman from Okinawa, Japan, she raised three children, married to her first love for over 40 years now, and has accomplished other dreams. Was it all easy? No. But never did she doubt. She simply kept putting one foot in front of the other. Never looking back.

The temptation to think about our feelings, or overthink, is something to be avoided. Life is so much more. We can do so much more. Yes, we can think about our feelings. Always moving forward. Never thinking anywhere close to defeat. Never. That word should never be in anyone’s vocabulary.

There is one more to add: perhaps the most important. Faith.